New Fixed-Gear: Hucking?
Dirt-jumping, freeride mountain biking, downhill: what’s the common denominator?
If you don’t know what hucking is, you’re probably a total bitch-ass, balls-shaving roadie! So here’s a video to clue you in:
Hucking is fucking gnar as fuck, bro!
But is hucking a replacement for the fixed-gear?
It seems unlikely.
For me, hucking seems the realm of bros with tribal tattoos who either listen to shitty nü metal, shitty rap-rock, or (if European or Canadian) non-threateaning, “conscious” hip hop. It looks fun, I’ve always thought, but can I really marry my personal brand to a bunch of meatheads who listen to Marilyn Manson and drive trucks (and sort of look like Travis Barker)?
But a new era of hipster hucking is upon us.
Allow me to introduce 18-year-old Brandon Semenuk:
A Michael Cera clone on a dirt jumper!? Ultra-tight pants?! Gay-ass electro soundtrack?! Gigantic Nike throwback basketball shoes?! A Subaru Rally car?! Vimeo?!
What the fuck this kid is perfect!
And not only is he the perfect ambassador of dirt jumping to the bikefag crowd, but he’s also really good.
Here’s a video of him winning the Sea Otter Dual Stunt race (on a neon orange bike that is obviously a ripoff of the “Seizure Bike” that I rode last season):
And here he is winning the 2009 Redbull Rampage:
Soon Brandon Semenuk will be more popular than Lance Armstrong, and an entire generation of tight-pantsed bikefags will be DTH (down to huck) at art school stair sets and backyard pump tracks around the world! The bicycle film festival will be dedicated to hucking. Critical mass will ride to BMX tracks. Bike messengers will drop sickie triple-sets and shred some dank wallrides – all with packages on their backs (Dakine backpacks to replace Chrome bags? Brakeless dirt jumpers on city streets?)
Hucking – it’s not just for bros anymore!
My advice is to sell your fixed gear now, buy a dirt jumper, then switch over your track bike’s Velospace account to the DJ bike so that you can prove to your friends that you’ve been DTH since 2006.
Dirt jumpers are pretty pricey-to extremely pricey. And downhill bikes are preposterously expensive, use specialized hub spacing and front hubs/axles, and involve enough hydraulic fluid to scare off any backyard mechanic.
Then again, they’re ridden by a whole bunch of rich, pickup-truck driving Bike Chads, severely lowering their exclusivity score.
There’s very little irony involved in hucking. Other than the lingo, the tribal tattoos, the bros, and the nü metal. You know what, let’s just bump that score up to a two.
Street Cred: 1
While it’s true that freerider bros are probably the only group of cyclists who might actually kick someone’s ass, it is also true that they are all from extremely whitebred, suburban hinterlands.
They’re just not that good looking.
They’re heavy. They’re slow (on streets). They’re expensive to repair. And they need to be driven to anywhere worth riding one.
Then again, they will drastically increase the terrain that you can ride over/down/off on your commute.
Total Score: 11.5
Well, I guess Brandon Semenuk has his work cut out for him..
Still, though, it might be worth it to at least find a cul-de-sac and practice some bunnyhops just in case this blows up.