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New Fixed-Gear: Hucking?

November 8, 2009

Dirt-jumping, freeride mountain biking, downhill: what’s the common denominator?

Hucking, bro!

If you don’t know what hucking is, you’re probably a total bitch-ass, balls-shaving roadie!  So here’s a video to clue you in:

Hucking is fucking gnar as fuck, bro!

But is hucking a replacement for the fixed-gear?

It seems unlikely.

For me, hucking seems the realm of bros with tribal tattoos who either listen to shitty nü metal, shitty rap-rock, or (if European or Canadian) non-threateaning, “conscious” hip hop.  It looks fun, I’ve always thought, but can I really marry my personal brand to a bunch of meatheads who listen to Marilyn Manson and drive trucks (and sort of look like Travis Barker)?

Obviously not.

But a new era of hipster hucking is upon us.

Allow me to introduce 18-year-old Brandon Semenuk:

(It won’t let me embed Vimeo, so just click here.  Sorry.. (you really need to watch it, though))

A Michael Cera clone on a dirt jumper!?  Ultra-tight pants?!  Gay-ass electro soundtrack?! Gigantic Nike throwback basketball shoes?!  A Subaru Rally car?! Vimeo?!

What the fuck this kid is perfect!

And not only is he the perfect ambassador of dirt jumping to the bikefag crowd, but he’s also really good.

Here’s a video of him winning the Sea Otter Dual Stunt race (on a neon orange bike that is obviously a ripoff of the “Seizure Bike” that I rode last season):

And here he is winning the 2009 Redbull Rampage:

Soon Brandon Semenuk will be more popular than Lance Armstrong, and an entire generation of tight-pantsed bikefags will be DTH (down to huck) at art school stair sets and backyard pump tracks around the world!  The bicycle film festival will be dedicated to hucking.  Critical mass will ride to BMX tracks.  Bike messengers will drop sickie triple-sets and shred some dank wallrides – all with packages on their backs (Dakine backpacks to replace Chrome bags?  Brakeless dirt jumpers on city streets?)

Hucking – it’s not just for bros anymore!

My advice is to sell your fixed gear now, buy a dirt jumper, then switch over your track bike’s Velospace account to the DJ bike so that you can prove to your friends that you’ve been DTH since 2006.

Exclusivity: 3.5

Dirt jumpers are pretty pricey-to extremely pricey.  And downhill bikes are preposterously expensive, use specialized hub spacing and front hubs/axles, and involve enough hydraulic fluid to scare off any backyard mechanic.

Then again, they’re ridden by a whole bunch of rich, pickup-truck driving Bike Chads, severely lowering their exclusivity score.

Irony: 1

There’s very little irony involved in hucking.  Other than the lingo, the tribal tattoos, the bros, and the nü metal.  You know what, let’s just bump that score up to a two.

Street Cred: 1

While it’s true that freerider bros are probably the only group of cyclists who might actually kick someone’s ass, it is also true that they are all from extremely whitebred, suburban hinterlands.

Aesthetics: 2

DJ1

Freeride1

Downhill1

They’re just not that good looking.

Impracticality: 3

They’re heavy.  They’re slow (on streets).  They’re expensive to repair.  And they need to be driven to anywhere worth riding one.

Then again, they will drastically increase the terrain that you can ride over/down/off on your commute.

Total Score: 11.5

Well, I guess Brandon Semenuk has his work cut out for him..

Still, though, it might be worth it to at least find a cul-de-sac and practice some bunnyhops just in case this blows up.

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. Barry permalink
    November 10, 2009 8:57 pm

    +1 on the on the possibility of hucking being the next fixed gear…worries about style over substance…from the comments on the vimeo video:

    “That was absolutely gnar, sweet edit, though brandon is a bit gimp on the trail section, but he definatly shreds the jumps better than most other riders. I was suprised how dodge he looked at 1:35, his style is normally amazing?”

    • bikefag permalink*
      November 13, 2009 12:56 am

      I should have really researched my lingo before this post, Barry. I might edit it to include the word “dodge” somewhere. Thanks for the tip.

  2. November 10, 2009 9:19 pm

    Is this a west-coast thing? Is it for forest dwellers? Was it popular in 2004? HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE SWOLLEN MEMBERS TRACK?

    If I have to buy a rally car, I’m out.

    • bikefag permalink*
      November 13, 2009 12:54 am

      I was hoping you could explain this to me, YATE. After all, you’re the Canadian one. Don’t you guys all listen to non-threatening hip hop and chief dankie nug nugs at the ladder track?

  3. November 11, 2009 2:57 pm

    sick bro! These rides are burley bra! Think ill pick one of these up & throw it on the bike trailer i have hooked up on my quad ring. Right next to my yak. Theres a jump track right by where I throw in and float… nar bar…

  4. anon permalink
    November 12, 2009 5:03 am

    i still think the pogo stick is the next fixed gear. it’s a completely impractical form of transportation and i’m sure people can think of some sick tricks to pull on it! (p.s. have you ever seen a chick on a pogo stick? awesome!)

  5. tristan permalink
    November 12, 2009 9:48 pm

    I dunno, I think the group of “kids” (I use this term lightly for people who were born around 1981) these days are already abandoning the whole 80s thing, as being the prototypical tight jeans hipster with dunks is so highschool these days, and are ready to kick it into overdrive into the early-mid nineties, which means that actual barbed wire tattoos/kanji tattoos might be the new ironic tattoos versus sailor jerry knockoff stuff. Probably maybe in the next 3-4 years? Does this mean big pants are tugging at a comeback?

    But then again, I actually own a pair of Oakley Factory Pilots and wear them unironically, and am actively trying to decide whether to get the new Radar XL blades vs. retro actual Blades (the big ones, not Razor Blades).

    • bikefag permalink*
      November 13, 2009 12:51 am

      Tristan,
      You’re absolutely right in every way. Also, I think that you can just save the money (I’ve researched it. Blades are EXPENSIVE) and just switch from wearing your factory pilots unironically to ironically. They’re probably the second-best ironic cycling sunglasses (like I said, I’ve done the research) in existence, certainly beating the Killer Loops that I wear. Also, I hope you saved your Jncos in the closet next to the Factory Pilots, because I anticipate a BIG comeback for them in 2011.

      • tristan permalink
        November 16, 2009 5:01 pm

        Hmm, are UFO’s a good substitute for JNCOs? I’m pretty sure I have a bunch of those still somewhere… 😦

        Plutonite Iridium Factory Pilots make everyone in my local TT series jealous when I take the power of 80’s american cycling legends.

        Speaking of which, I’m going to think that “ironic downtube shifter steel TT funny bikes” (ala schwinn prologue/Basso/etc) built to the retro hilt (J Discs/Mavic 3 spokes, 24″ tubulars, etc) are going to be the new fixie, and the ones that are converted will be turned back into NOS Campy 7 speeds.

  6. Nick permalink
    November 16, 2009 12:12 am

    While i see “hucking” become more popular, i think it is hitting an older demographic than fixies did when they first came on the scene, so the people who will be riding such bikes might be former fixsters, they will not be new generation of hipster. Also, i think you are not giving these bike enough credit in the aesthetics category, some are downright sexy and many ss DJ bikes incorporate the simplistic look of fixed gears.

    from my observations at a certain university in Colorado the razor scooter (as you mentioned in your first post on this subject) has potential to be next. I have seen quite a few people riding them around campus. These have an irony level well beyond roller blades because there was a time that roller blades were cool, but even on it’s heyday, the razor scooter was never “cool”

  7. November 16, 2009 9:04 am

    See how even Prolly is now all of a sudden reppin’ those gnar DJ bikes and the Japanese dudes are already doing flatland/park tricks on some strange fixed gear variations of those:
    http://prollyisnotprobably.com/2009/11/chris_akrigg_brakeless.php

    I think you’re really into something here!

    • bikefag permalink*
      November 17, 2009 7:36 pm

      Jussi, thanks for the link. I wish I would have known about that video before I posted this (also, I’m gonna need to learn how to embed vimeo…). This shit is rad, btw. I especially like the brakeless DJ hockey-stop skidding technique. Wow, I really think that maybe this will be popular.

  8. November 17, 2009 10:03 am

    Found this and thought about your quest for the new trackbike:
    http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/5684963/

    • Davis permalink
      November 18, 2009 5:25 pm

      Haha “I remember in the mid-nineties when did not own a flannel shirt until after Kurt Cobain…. killed himself”

      I’m going start hording cx bikes for when this scene hits it big time among hipsters. Brakeless cyclocross… haha I wonder what they’ll do with the unused cantilever braze-ons.

  9. November 28, 2009 5:20 pm

    … Unicycles? I feel they may be able to score very high…

  10. December 1, 2009 5:06 am

    “Bike Chad”. I am totally adding that to my vocabulary. Rock on, Bikefag!

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