The Bikefag’s Great Alternative Cycling Self Worth Reevaluation Crisis!
The biggest pond of American cycling has apparently proven too challenging a milieu for the fag to keep confidence in his routine. – The dude from Looking Good in Pants, explaining that he was removing my link.
My first thought was: “Fuck that guy! I’ve been busting my ass trying to find a job in a city with 10% unemployment , populated by a bunch of assholes with the exact same skills as me! (which I did) And when I wasn’t looking for a job, I was writing for three publications, racing bikes, trying to negotiate my way through a racing scene where I didn’t know anyone, and checking out a brand new city that I vacillate between loving and hating on an hourly basis! Have you ever moved before?! Fuck you!”
My second thought was: “And what the fuck is a ‘milieu,’ anyway?!”
Finally, though, I admitted that he was right. And that my new milieu (apparently it means one’s social environment) in Portland is indeed challenging.
Whether or not it’s “the biggest pond of American cycling,” Portland is undoubtedly a “big pond” compared to Fort Collins, CO. And a much different social environment. Isn’t that why I moved here to begin with?
Yes. And there are some big, beautiful fish in this big’ ol pond. That’s a good thing, right?
Yes and no.
For an egomaniac “alternative cyclist” like myself, not standing out in a crowd is challenging.
Being the new guy in “the scene” is difficult.
I’ve had to reevaluate my importance in the world of alternative cycling.
But I’m coming to understand that many of the people here are transplants who, like me, came here from somewhere else, and probably underwent their own periods of uncertainty concerning their places in alternative cycling society (though I doubt they ever quite put it in those terms…).
“Am I cool enough for Team Ironclad?”
TBD, doggs (I actually already have a team).
Whether or not my “milieu” is “too challenging,” I’m gonna probably be laying back and peeping the scene for a minute.
Somebody by the name of “OliverMiller” commented a few months back: “I just have to wonder what this is gonna do to your writing, how this will warp your perception; snarkiness, I suspect, may well fall to the wayside.”
The guy was totally right. Snarkiness takes confidence. And now that I’m here, I’m a lot more worried about kissing ass and getting in with the right people than talking shit.
Things are changing fast. And my own voice isn’t ringing quite as loud or true as it has in the past. But I’ll settle in real nice, and have plenty of shit to make fun of in no time!
I do truly have a lot to learn from the people of Portland. And I’m confident that my alternative cycling self worth will be positively appraised in short order.
Plus, it’s not like I’ve really been updating this blog very frequently this past year anyway.